I don’t know what it is about being around family and folks who have known me since childhood, but it’s healing. It’s the equivalent of being given a big bear hug, the one with a squeeze and a rock from side to side, after a long day. I struggle to feel accepted and understood unless it’s around those who have known me since being a dependent. There’s no second-guessing or feeling the need to justify; it just clicks. Our childhood is the most fundamental point in our lives. Although we are functioning as adults, it’s nothing more than a more experienced version of who we were when we were 5, 11, or 17. Our lives are full of stepping stones from point A to Z and occur until the end, but what does anything mean without a baseline?
Nature vs. nurture is a debate that explains influences attributed to genetic dispositions that we aren’t cognizant of (nature) and environmental factors that aren’t necessarily biological but learned from experience (nurture). I love thinking about this because the truth is that they both make us who we are, and we never know which side of the coin is at bay. Even more so, they are two sides of the same coin. As formerly stated, it’s family and those who have known me since childhood – so those unrelated- who make me feel whole. Cultural background affects the nurture side, so this is why a close neighbor I spent a lot of time with from the same hometown has such a strong grasp on me as a close family member. But what about those people I only met once and will never forget? It might have been someone on a winter vacation in NYC who had a lasting stance. Whether it be the way she/he laughed or the pronunciation of a word, every encounter is material.
I hear so many people reference memories from the past to justify what makes them tick. “My mom taught me this,” or “When we were growing up, this is how things were.” These activities, riding along the countryside with the ones that we can’t explain, are what guide us the most. There are so many memories that I am still uncovering with age, and it might be something as simple as a movie or a song that I used to love. Childhood is where home is, and everything after is an attempt to return. There have been times when I’m thinking, “Why do I keep saying this?”, and then a few months later, I learn the reason from someone else or randomly remember the relationship to my past. It’s a round trip to be in the presence of someone who has witnessed you metamorphose into the person you are today while also understanding what it took to get here. They want what’s best for you as much as you want it for yourself, and that’s why the baseline is so important. Instead of reflection points this week, how about you visit a loved one you haven’t spent time with in a while? How about doing something out of the ordinary for someone who made you who you are today?