I tried Ethiopian food for the first time today, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I went with a friend with whom I hit it off right off the bat. I love those connections as they’re always effortless. She’s from Ghana, and I frequently hear myself telling others, “I’m from the south; we eat collard greens and cornbread with our hands.” Fufu, for the West Africans, and injera are my culture’s version of cornbread (hoe cakes if you’re really with me). So, we washed our hands, said grace, and threw down! I am so in love with how quickly a nice meal can bring us closer and make us feel more connected to each other.
We were playing catch up and then encountered a girl, also from the south, Alabama specifically. Again, good food always brings people together. The conversation blossomed from there. We talked about a lot of different topics, but the theme in most of them was boundaries. The girl who we met, let’s call her C, said that her usual method is to cut people off when she feels uncentered, but she acknowledges that’s not the best approach to take and is working on it. I, ironically, had just had a similar conversation with my friend right before when she mentioned boundaries. When the boundaries are strong and in full effect, there’s no need to jump to the extreme of cutting people out of your life (sometimes necessary but shouldn’t be the main method). Moving in love means the relationship is still there, but the approach should be different after you’ve assessed and processed the situation. In my world, I call it learning lessons and breaking cycles – hop off of the hamster wheel.
During this conversation, I had a revelation. I can spend so much time in my head (I enjoy it for the most part), but it’s interesting how easy and effortless it is to find clarity. It finds me when I need it the most. Am I really being authentic and staying true to myself if my go to is the extreme instead of enforcing boundaries? Sure, it’s easy to be like hasta luego in defense mode, but it’s also the equivalent of a mouse running and hiding. Sometimes, you get sick of smelling your crap and realize that it’s better to be a lioness who protects her pride. I’m finding solace in even if my expectations aren’t met, at least I took the risk and fought for the cause. I feel ten times lighter after I speak my peace. It’s a blessing to grow more into myself and what’s meant for me while getting more comfortable holding myself accountable.
One of the last lessons that my mom taught me: Once you see the situation for what it is, don’t internalize it, just move accordingly. What’s the latest restaurant you tried? When’s the last time you had to communicate boundaries?
Reflection Points:
- I asked a few questions throughout this post, so what are your thoughts?
- Are you comfortable holding yourself and the people in your life accountable?
- In what areas of your life can you hop off the hamster wheel?