I have been binge-watching several of the shows on OWN, and I could add commentary for days. The word submission is just being thrown around as if our lives depend on it. I’m not too fond of the word because it introduces power dynamics. Furthermore, I have asked multiple people what submission means and get a different answer each time (or sometimes – even worse – no definitive answer at all). If anyone is expected to submit then that also introduces the other end of the spectrum: authority. Children submit to their parents. Dogs submit to their owners. Someone in an acquiescent role submits to whoever is superior. When it comes to love, there is no human authority, so WHY exactly is this word still so commonly used? This is my problem – I always need the WHY.
Women are the neck; men are the head – a common analogy that I also keep hearing surrounding power dynamics. In fairness, I have heard that men should submit. However, I most often hear submission being used concerning women. There is no head without a neck, and vice versa, which means one has no more power than the other. When the logic kicks in, my mind goes: the neck allows for movement of the head, so how can I regulate and submit at the same time? Beyonce spoke volumes on Run the World! Realistically, in any partnership, each individual will bring something unique to the table. Therefore, healthy communication, respect, and mutuality amongst all parties take precedence over power dynamics. As of late, I’ve been centered around everything starting within. My Higher Power is guiding me and is to Whom I submit.
It reminds me of the blue pill vs. red pill debate. This has gone on to be applied in various contexts, but a quick snapshot: the blue pill represents the experience of ‘ignorance is bliss’ or living in an illusion while the red pill represents the experience of seeking the truth, in hopes of clarity, even if it’s damaging or unsettling. I choose the red pill. I would prefer whatever potential damages come with not conforming and accepting my reality because I then have the freedom to pivot. At least I’m in the know which is EVERYTHING to me. Emotional fulfillment is something I discussed in my first post, so beyond saying submission is wrong, I know that serving a subservient role wouldn’t fulfill me. I choose whatever option that aligns with a free mind, and more importantly, the truth.
The experience of the blue pill speaks to a younger version of me. There was a point in time when I would have chosen to serve a subservient role for immediate gratification, the bliss of the blue. Been there, tried that, and eventually hated it there, but experience is the best teacher. I now know that the truth always supersedes immediate gratification or the lackluster feeling of accepting what’s being handed to me, without questioning it. I now know that when you know better, you have to do better, or one way or another, it always comes back to bite. It’s like when our elders taught us not to let our mouths write a check that our behinds can’t cash. It costs on the backend. Are you choosing the blue pill or the red pill?
Reflection Points:
- I asked a few questions throughout this post, so what are your thoughts?
- What does submission look like to you, if anything?