This one is going to be all over the place because I have a lot of pieces to the puzzle. The overarching topic is niceness vs. kindness. This is something that was reiterated to me time and time again on my solo trip to Europe. For clarity, maybe I can add my own interpretation of what differentiates the two. If you Google both terms, you may find that nice brings out words like ‘agreeable’, ‘pleasant’, or ‘satisfactory’. Yet, kindness will result in words like ‘selflessness’, ‘service’, ‘benevolence’, or ‘understanding’. Niceness is subjective and equates to how you make others feel whereas kindness is objective and equates to tangible results (actions) that demonstrate exactly where you stand. In other words, I can smile, bat my eyelashes, and play the part, but that doesn’t mean that I’m consistently showing up and living by a moral code.
In Europe, the Southern Belle Act was getting me nowhere. I was being talked over, dismissed, and blatantly ignored by some. On the flip side, I met some hidden gems on my journey who reminded me of how important community truly is. My perspective became clear: everything sweet ain’t sugarcoated. I may have been taking things personally from the lack of clarity in conversations, but this is the same community that also called taxis for me, allowed me in their family restaurants during crazy weather, and ultimately made sure that I was protected. Language barriers, personal issues, literally anything could have been the reason for the disconnect. Despite that, no amount of pleasantries affects a genuine heart. I will take the kindness every single time.
Sometimes our preconceived notions get in the way of seeing the bigger picture, and we don’t ever allow others the space to show up as they are. Throughout the trip, multiple experiences began to shape me, and I decided to choose self. Ask yourself if you show up as ‘agreeable’ or ‘pleasant’ day in and day out (be fr – the answer is NO); find the balance between good deeds and emotional validation. The good deeds will always yield positive results, and they make ya feel good. I guess they’re called good deeds for a reason. Pushing past that surface-level layer of comfort will grant us the true meaning of satisfaction.
People pleasing is a buzzword that we can’t escape, but this is what I automatically think of when I hear the word nice. It’s unlikely to be satisfactory in the eyes of everyone. I now believe that freedom is on the other end of no longer highlighting how we are perceived over who we truly are and/or who we aspire to be. Personal bias becomes us all, so we can’t ever be free from judgment. Nevertheless, as we morph into maturation, we have to learn to stand up and lend a helping hand for what’s important to us. It’s constant reassurance that we are present, living, and staying true to self. Whether it be community, achievement, or health, I was taught that a {wo}man who stands for nothing falls for anything. So what are you standing up for?
Reflection Points:
- I asked a few questions throughout this post, so what are your thoughts?
- What factors do you think influence our desire to be nice?
- How do niceness and kindness demonstrate themselves to you? How do you pay them forward?
This!!! So well said. It definitely had me thinking and reflecting. There is no personal benefit in always being agreeable. Your right standing for yourself and your own ideology is important no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I’m so proud of you for your growth and always striving to challenge yourself!
Thank you for commenting! That’s a good way to put it. Our ideologies are our backbones.